Things I did the last couple months and other crappy things I can't help to write about

SOooooo, my expectations for my after high school was crushed.... To pieces. I actually planned on having a pert-time job and all but I'm just to lazy to move. Well, my SPM results came out this early month, I got 3A's.... I'm not proud of it but I'm happy enough to know I manage to even achieve 3A's cause I never studied much before that, except for the one subject I got a D on, I spend like 3 months or more before that so-called examination that's gonna change one's life. WHY A 'D' ? I fucking studied for it, and the subjects that I didn't even give a fuck about got better grades. This is probably why I'm much more suited with not studying or trying too hard for anything. I don't know why, but things work out better if I put less effort into anything, maybe because I overdo things. Apparently my life is easier if I do things myself, cause It'll be less complicated as I'm the only who would be the troubled one. People say I need help but when I finally asked for help, they say I'm troublesome, like WHY DID YOU EVEN OFFER TO HELP IN THE BEGINNING ?! At least that's what my parents usually do. Moving forward, about a week ago I finally applied for my dream university and of course I also applied for some other university just in case I didn't get in in my first choice university. But I really hope I can pursue the path I really want... Well I choose UPM as my first choice university, I chould choose to apply for a foundation or even Pra-university, but UPM has a bachelor veterinary course and a Diploma in animal health and reproduction course. So I wanted to pursue the path, a path where I would be in the wildlife industries or the veterinary industry. Before this, I never actually given into much thought about my future career, it changes everyday when I was still in school. But being a vet is always one of the career I considered for myself to have but before this it wasn't that clear to me. Now I know, wanting to be a vet, to help the ones that contribute the most in the balanced of the ecosystem of our known world is not just a phase, it's a calling. It's going to be a bumpy road as Malaysia, Sabah in particular doesn't care that much about animal health unless it's food, I'm not criticising, but it's a known fact, there's stray dogs and cats on the streets walking around scavenging for food and shelter. Apparently, that's because there's isn't any animal shelter or animal control in charge. My mother just said that it's because our state is still filled with green, healthy plants and the air is less polluted but still,  so most domestic animals can survive without a caregiver, but still, that doesn't mean you can let them walk all over the streets and let them eat whatever the manage to find. I just feel that the situation is highly unjustified. So maybe that's why I'm feel so strongly to be a vet, and also the fact that my mother is tired of me picking up stray animals and bringing them back home as pets, so I want to be able to care for them myself. My parents seems to have doubts in the path that I'm taking, probably because it might be hard  for me to get a job. But I wouldn't know whether that's true or not if I don't try. So I'm gonna go for it. :)

That is all for today. 

Writing !

     I'm going to write a story! Something like an Autobiography or so. But the thing is, I don't know how to start it off. I'm dying to tell the whole story line but it's like I got writer's block or something. Dang It !! I don't know what to write.

How to expel stress

So the other day a friend ask me how I face stress. I don't know why she would ask me since I'm stress like everyday and I never seem to know the answer to stress relief myslef. Maybe because I never show it physically but believe my dear friends, I'm thinking of it all the time while playing a scene of me committing suicide in different ways over and over again in my head, but then I realize I'm not about to stoop that low to do such thing.... So don't kill yourself just because of stress.

First solution to free yourself from stress or in my understanding, hide it from yourself for a moment, I usually just watch TV ._. Sad but true, I love TV for what it has to present to me everyday. Sometimes the exciting, overwhelming, or even horrifying feeling from a TV show or a movie can make you forget the problems that you're facing, but it only works for a short period of time... At least you can run away from it for a while right?

If watching TV doesn't help, I don't blame you, It usually just works for me and certain types of people. So, if you're stress out, I think you should just let out. You can talk to a friend or family about it, Maybe talk to your boyfriend if you have one, I usually talk to my boyfriend first, my family sometimes doesn't understand my problems and what I'm facing with... maybe because it has to do with the different time frames we were born in. Other than that, you could try letting it out through sports or hobbies. I, personally can't do sports when I'm stress mainly because I hate it and I believe I might get even more stress by doing so.

So if you have no friends, no understanding parents or family members, no boyfriend and not about to get yourself involve in any sports or hobbies, try calming yourself first, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Sometimes a simple as so might help more than you expected. While you're doing so, thing back the good things that life has to offer you and have faith that things gonna get better over time. I might be a dark soul but I still believe in faith and other stuff like that.

Lastly, if all that is mentioned above doesn't work for you, try sleeping pills or alcohol. I don't recommend it because it's a way of self harm but if you're desperate then go for it, just don't die. You might get more stress if you died a become a ghost or something.

I hope this can help you lessen your stress. and by the way, I'll be posting every week from now on. :3 maybe if I'm not lazy, I'll write something everyday.

I miss High School

           Today is the first day of the first semester of school, all my life I've been dreaming the day I would finally be free from the torturing clutches of the place I resented the most but as always I was proven wrong by the universe. I thought I might enjoy my (finally) carefree life but I never thought it's going to be this dull ._. It's just sad the fact that I'm just gonna be sitting around in my house doing nothing but watching tv and molesting my phone all day long. I thought about doing some crocheting or any other crafts based activities but I'm too lazy to do it and it wouldn't be as fun as sneaking in my craft materials into school and doing amigurumies or crystal beaded dolls and shits like that with my lovely friends. It's lonely and tiring if you're just by yourself doing it. Other than crafts, I also thought about drawing but the thing is, I only draw when inspiration hits me, I can't think of anything ._. So here I am on my laptop expressing my deep contempt towards my current lifestyle. Aside from being alone and lazy, I also miss the people that I've seen everyday when I was still a high school student, especially my boyfriend. I'm kinda worried, since I'm not gonna be there and he might get himself in trouble ---- Ok, Back to the main topic, I even miss the annoying teachers that keep asking me for my homeworks (which I've never done) and the canteen that has the same menu everyday. Maybe I should get a job or something,... =w= This is all for today. Goodnight ~

(I lose my mood)

Dafuq ?!

  Ok, Ok, I've been reading and deleting some of my past blog post, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ?!! I almost gag when I was reviewing all of my crappy posts, IT WAS TERRIBLE. What the fuck was I thinking back then ?! It's was just beyond disgusting the way I write, a spelled certain words wrongly to make it look cute, ^&%^$&^^&^. Fwen=Friends ... ^&%##@!**^&%&&&^ Like ewwww. Why past me, WHY ? 

I'm freaking BACK !

     SOOO, It's kimmy and I am finally back to posting idiotic things on my blog, the last time I've posted something here is when I was 15 and going through some crappy stuff, it has been 3 years since that and I think I've kinda change A LOT or as they say matured (a little). God ! things escalated sooo fast. So, I'm going to summarizes the events of my undoubtedly shitty life yet I'm grateful for it. After PMR 2012 I've survived it, and got 4A's, 2B's and a C. Didn't get that 7A but Ohhh well, things happen and I've moved pass that. On March 2013, my family and I transferred to a new town a little bit further than Kota Kinabalu that is Papar, my hometown. I got into a high school called SMK St Mary and the school is FABULOUS ! people are less judgemental and more understanding (no offense to my old schoolmates) I've found new friends and they are amazing, I've catch up with my studies and I was doing pretty well in my class considering how low I scored in the past. I've gotten more fluent in English and I've been using the mentioned language on a daily basis but I still need to work on it though. I've gotten more active on school events and I also got myself a boyfriend earlier in the year 2013 but it didn't went so well mostly because of me because of my bitch like habits, and before you say something .... Yess, I admit to that, and I'm proud to finally be honest with myself that I've wounded a lot of people and I might even left a scar or two. I was reluctant to face that reality but I think I've finally faced it and throw that old habits of mine, all thanks to my friends and that significant someone. I guess you're wondering who that significant someone is right? Well the story goes that on the first day I went to St Mary, He was taken to the police station for explanation of some kind of misunderstanding and it was on his birthday. Not a good start for a love story huh ? hahaha, but the thing is, he's the last person I thought I might fall for, but it happened on 13th July 2013 and we're still going strong until now, I think this might be the longest relationship I've ever have. We do fight sometimes but that only seems to bring us closer to each other .. Enough of that, back to my summary of what I've been doing this past 3 years that doesn't seem to be a summary. On 2014, I've found my SOULSISTER! I love, love, LOVE her, she's totally my bestfriend, I call her Fifie, we are two different people that came from differant worlds, yet we connect and understand each other, she knows my secrets and the darker side of me that nobody knows of that I'll reveal in a moment. I also have other bestfriends that maybe I'm the only one who things they're my bestfriends but I'm not theirs so I don't want to mention their names except for my club members that I established myself, It's a club for OTAKUS !! Yes, I'm a manga and anime fanatic, like who doesn't love anime right? My club is growing by the second, I've 4 younger members and two of them is my cousin and niece and 5 other members that's the same age as me. Aside from the club, I survived through SPM !! Damn, I almost died of stress because I mainly do nothing earlier in that year and I didn't do any of my homeworks or notes or even go to extra classes, I'm beyond astonish that I didn't get expelled or at least suspended... ._. So after SPM, I've been doing nothing actually, I've finished high school and I feel like my life purpose is gone. But I kinda figured something about myself, like I mentioned before the bitch like habit, there's something I've been trying to avoid for as long as I can remember, there's always been something dark about me, about the really me, I've been struggling to see pass that part of me for such a long period of time but instead I could have just accepted it from the beginning, but maybe I was just blinded by my own fictions. Now, for the first time ever I'm going to say it all, I am not a loving person, I almost hate everything. I'm not that 'hey, I love everyone' kind of person that I made myself believe. I don't forgive people that easily, I believe in keeping a grudge towards people that I dislike. I don't believe in 'If you d good, good will come to you', I never did. I love the black, maybe more than that. I never wanted to be a Doctor, or a scientist or anything practical, I wanted to be an artist, I've been doing oil paintings, sketches, watercolour and even poetry. But I think I'm going to take more time to figure out what I actually want. For now, that is all I wanted to tell, and I'll also be changing the whole entire theme of my blog and delete some pictures and posts, in other words, I'll be deleting all the fake things that I've posted, from now on, I'll be as honest as I can. 

And before I forget, I go by Kimmy or Kim now, not Xiao Kimmy, not Mimmy or Mie (except for my friends though), and especially not Ruby. 

Untill next time my beautifuls~~ 

Be happy .

Life  is too short, 

grudges are waste of perfect happiness,

laugh when you're happy,

apologize when you should, 

and let go of what you can't change,

love deeply and forgive quickly.

take changes. Give everything and have no regrets.

Life's too short to be unhappy.

You have to take the good with the bad.

smile when you're sad. 

Love what you got and always remember what you had.

always forgive, never forget.

Learn from your mistakes, 

but never regret. :)  

wahahahah !

              Today was such a great day , I've such a great time with my friends even though we got scolded by some librarian . So , today was the last day of our yearly school sports week . It was the best ! I've laugh so hard until I got a stomach ache & I think I've fallen in love again . After that afternoon , we went to do library , we were suppose to do some research about "the great wall of China" but we ended up talking about something else , then we started laughing . We laugh so hard the librarian got annoyed , so he scolded us , but our laughing doesn't end there . So , he started yelling at us from long distance , but we didn't even care , we didn't stop laughing cause his face looked sooooo funny that time . At the end , we were chase away by the funny face looking librarian . well that's all . bye . ~ 

i'm bored

 hey ~ kimmy here . :) i got bored , so i thought of doing some blogging . I'll just gonna talk about some random stuff about myself today ~ 

          So yeah , like all of you've know , my name is Kimberley Andvianney Masital / Kimberley Andvianney Oswald(daddy's name[most Malaysians use their father's name instead of their family's name] ) , I love Crafts , I sell my crafts at school cause I need the extra money to buy some books & other school things for my studies . My father works really hard to raise me , I can't keep asking him for money . I'm the oldest child in my family & I love my little sister even though  she keeps stealing my things . I hate the fact that i'm growing up too fast , I miss the day where things weren't that much complicated . I miss being a kid , I miss those days where my daddy gives me piggy back rides over & over again , I miss having my mummy read bedtime's story to me , I miss playing in the mud with my bestfriends & etc . I might not come from a rich family , but I'm happy cause we love each other & we always support each other when one of us need help . I'm very thankful for what i have now . For me , Life is beautiful , some people doesn't realize how exciting life can be . I've been always trying my best to think positively , so I can avoid doubting the beauty of life . There might be few peoples that hate me but who cares right ? I'm not gonna let some idiots tell me what i'm not , I'm not gonna let them change me . I love myself , even though i'm not perfect . my imperfectness is what makes me human . So , hate me or love me , but one thing for sure , there will never be another like me . 


P/S :: Nothing last forever , so enjoy everything while it's happening ... Cherish every moment of everything you love . <3

What I Think The Meaning Of Life Is

Hey Guys !:) So , it's been over a month since my last post . I'm here to update my blog . So , last weekend , my bestfriend ask me for my opinion on What I think the meaning of life is & How should life be lived through .
Christy , This is my answer :

Be happy with who you are and what you do, and you can do anything you want. Have fun. Take risks and be daring sometimes, but don't get out of control with it. Don't be serious all the time and do something exciting just because it sounds wild. Do what you think is right. Don't let people make the decision of right or wrong for you, or you could find yourself in a lot of trouble. Be different. Do things differently than everyone else if you want. Wear what you want, talk how you want, and listen to the music you like- not what everyone else likes. Be weird and don't care about what people say because they shouldn't judge you on how you look. Show people that if you do something differently than the people around you, you can still be a good person.

Don't be perfect. You have to make mistakes or you'll never learn from the mistakes you could've made. If you live perfectly you'll get bored. If you're always bored and always do the same thing everyday then why live? Try things you don't think you'll like. You never know until you try.

Listen to other people's advice, but don't always take it. If it's the dumbest advice you've ever heard, remember it anyway. It might come in handy some day. Don't give up on something you believe in. Voice your opinion and someone might change their mind because of something you said. If not, it's still what you believe in and you can think whatever you want. Take chances. Don't try to be good all the time. Live life on the edge. Don't ever let someone tell you you're not good enough. Show them you are good enough and then take it and shove it back in their face. Then become friends so you can look back and laugh at yourselves. Don't hate someone you don't know. If you discover that you don't hate them, they'll probably hate you even if they don't say it to your face. Just the same, don't make someone hate you when they don't know you. Then when that person is just memories, you'll regret it.

Be nice. Hold doors open for people you don't know. Talk to people who look lonely. You might find it fun. Keep your hopes high, even if you get knocked on your butt. Get up and try again. Don't lose hope.
Cry. It just works sometimes. People might actually appreciate it more than yelling or screaming. Don't let people judge you for it though. Even the toughest people have problems. Don't be afraid of something unless you've experienced it before. If you're afraid of something and you do it anyway, it can only make you stronger. Don't be afraid of life. Be afraid of what will happen to you after death. Don't try to be something you're not. Be yourself. Do what you want- not what others think you should do. Be successful and love yourself. There is no point of living if you aren't happy with yourself.
Take negative experiences and see them as positives. You learn from everything you do. Don't let people judge you on one mistake. Put the past behind you, but don't forget it. Some people tell you things that they're gonna do and then they don't. Forget them. If they show up ten years later- screw them. They don't care. They're fakes. They might tell you that they like you but they don't care.
Tell people what you think no matter how old you are. You're good ideas can become reality. Be a little bit of everything. Mix your life up a little and have fun. You can't change the things you've done, so don't do something you'll regret forever.
Don't take life for granted. You only have so much time. Make your name known. Live life for all it's worth. Take the gifts you have and make them into something. Trust your heart to show you everything you'll ever need. Then you can live.

These things are what I think the meaning of life is & how life should belived through . Sometimes I wish I would've taken my own advice. Christy, I'm your Bestfriend. I know something bad happened to you, It's true huh ? What I heard & what all people have been sayin' ?

You shouldn't have tell me earlier, we chould have gone through this together. At least, I chould've help lessen you pain just by a little bit. Well, there's nothing else I can say. What's done, is done. Next time, when you've some problems, just ask for help, don't be shy.

That's all I want to say for today. It felt much better after posting this.